Slanderous sandwiches

The New York Times asks a highly important legal question: Can a sandwich be slandered?

To précis the article, Quiznos asked people to create advertisements for the chain, with a key theme of attacking their rival, Subway.

Subway decided this was defamatory and has sued.

The knotty legal question in this is whether Quiznos is liable for the actions of third parties.

Other interesting questions centre on competition, and whether you can make any direct claims in reference to your rivals in ads. That’s pretty interesting given that you hardly ever see companies engaging in that sort of outright warfare – think of the Duracell battery or laundry powder ads which like to euphemistically refer to “other leading brands”.

A further point would be whether the terms and conditions of entry involved an assignment of intellectual property rights from competitors to Quiznos – if so, one could argue that they had more control over the content and thus its (allegedly) defamatory distribution.

In any case, let’s get to the nuts and bolts here. In my (non-legal but tastebuds-intact) opinion, both companies are probably responsible for bringing the noble sandwich into disrepute. That distinctive sickly sweet miasma which wafts out of thousands of Subways across the world bespeaks of sugary bread and additives. It’s hard to compare Quiznos, because I think they only have one branch (or had) in Melbourne, but I can’t imagine it would be much better.

[Disclaimer: I have not personally eaten at either establishment, as – with Subway at least – I am generally overcome with nausea when I walk past.]

Compare a fast food offering with the following:

• Bagel. Cream cheese/ricotta. Gherkins/shaved red onion, capers, pepper, smoked salmon, lemon juice and dill or chives;
• Baker D. Chirico pagnotta. Perfectly ripe brie or chevre. Fresh grapes or dried muscatels on the side;
• Dark rye batard, e.g. from Laurent. Thinly sliced, topped with cream cheese or ricotta, followed by the sourest, cherry-est sour cherry jam you can find.

Now those are sandwiches. And anything else is an abomination unto Lucullus or an insult to the goodly variations permitted by a loaf of real bread and a few, carefully selected toppings.

Tis Subway which brings the noble sandwich into disrepute!

That said, I sort of see what Nigel Slater and Nigella Lawson mean when they note the odd, rather naff pleasure of Laughing Cow cheese (aka “Moo Cheese”) and sliced bread…

Cry for help - pepper mill advice

We get through what seems like a ludicrous amount of freshly milled black pepper, and so you can imagine how disastrous it was when our previously-functioning mill bit the peppery dust.

I've tried taking it to bits but I can't work out why it doesn't function properly. I know I could use a mortar and pestle, but that's a bit faffy.

Anyway. I'm in the market for a good mill. One which will do good, cracked pepper and not nasty grey dust. Any recommendations?

No proper food blogging update - not because I haven't been baking (I have), but because I'm too lazy to write it up.

But just to liven things up, here's a strawberry custard tart I made in September (and I must say, I am thrilled that South Melbourne Market has provided me with so many seriously cheap punnets of strawberries lately - and they even have flavour! Mmm, markets.)If you want to know a recipe, you're out of luck. I winged it. But basically, make shortcrust pastry, make vanilla beany custard (I do it with milk, eggs and cornflour for stability, because I loathe cream, and some almond meal for fun), top with strawberries. I can't actually remember whether the custard was baked in the case or if I did the latter blind, but that's the fun of no-recipe baking.

Festive baking

I think I might have over done it on the seasonal baking side of things.

To wit: 24 gingerbread muffins; 22 mince tarts; 2 quasi-Stollen.

And yes, my photography skills are absent.

Ostensible disaster

One of the few good things about where my work is located is that it is within walking distance of South Melbourne Market. On Wednesday, I noticed that one of the stalls had apricots for $2.99 a kilo. Not great apricots, but they don't have to be.

On Friday, I duly bought some. (And some surprisingly good strawberries for $1.29, and a massive slab of Greek honey and walnut cake for $2.50. I love the market!)

Today, I attempted to turn them into jam. I followed the recipe in Delia Smith's Summer Collection by and large, though I substantially reduced the sugar. I let it get to boiling point this afternoon, wandered off, came back, noticed it was close to setting point, wandered off, came back...

Hmm. Slight burning smell.

Yes, it had caught on the bottom of the pan, and the previously beautiful, golden mixture was now the colour of Frank Cooper's Vintage Oxford Marmalade. Grumbling, I decanted it into jars, feeling pretty grumpy with myself.

Then I, and my mother, tasted it. And you know what? It was pretty good. It had caramelised, essentially, and had all sorts of interesting treacley, toffee-ish undertones. Absolutely nothing like the apricot jam that gets me drooling (Bonne Maman - the best, by far), but in its own right interesting.

I was reminded, too, of Maggie Beer's Burnt Fig Jam - or at least the idea of it.

Also accomplished today: off the cuff (i.e., no recipe, just whim) cinnamon biscuits which turned out a million times better than previous (with-recipe) attempts, and Nigel Slater's Beetroot Seed Cake.

The batter was the most extraordinary colour, not surprisingly. Again, I fiddled a bit with it because of the pantry limitations: so instead of muscovado I used raw sugar; instead of sunflower oil I used half-rice bran, half-walnut (and less than the stipulated amount); instead of beetroot I used one beetroot and 2/3rds of a carrot; instead of a mixture of seeds I used just linseeds; instead of half a tsp of cinnamon I used a tablespoon (recipes ALWAYS underestimate the cinnamon quantum)...

The lemon/orange flower water & poppyseed icing was surprisingly effective.

It turned out pretty well. I've been informed that I can make it again, which is always a good sign.

Eating for England

I heart Nigel Slater.

I also heart the strawberries bought yesterday that have perfumed the whole fridge with intense deliciousness and which will be turned into a tart this afternoon.

Pleasantly surprising, too, was the Sundowner apple I ate last night. I am a Granny Smith fan, addicted to mouth-puckering tart crisp crunchiness. The Sundowner is milder, less lip-chapping, but pleasingly crisp.

Citrus Season - II - Blood orange, lemon, Cointreau tart

I've just been to see Ratatouille - very cute, but for the really badly brought-up (dragged-up?) children who were unfortunately in the cinema. Since when was animation for kids anyway?

The second part of my citrusy series of blog posts is dessert. Having grabbed some blood oranges at South Melbourne market, and aware that I didn't want to use all of them in marmalade (of which more later), I decided to convert some into a tart.

The tart shell was made in a biscuity sort of way - creaming 100g butter with 50g caster sugar, then adding an egg and 220g "00" flour. It doesn't make for a particularly easy-to-handle dough, but the method is far easier on weary fingers than the normal pate brisee or pate sucree.

The case was blind baked in 9" springform tin, creating a deepish shell. I used the springform because, mystifyingly, I do not have a metal flan case (the horror, the horror). Ceramic moulds are hopeless.

The deepness of the case turned out to be a good thing.

Next came the filling - a lazy person's bastardised custard, comprising 330mL milk, three eggs, 40g caster sugar, the zest of two blood oranges, the zest of a lemon. In fact, I can't exactly remember what came next - but I think two or three blood oranges got squeezed, along with the lemon, and somewhere along the route this was added to the custard.

Unsurprisingly, this made for a very runny custard. Panicking, two tablespoons of cornflour went in. Eventually it thickened - and once it had cooled, a good splash of Cointreau went in.

The case was filled, the tart baked at 180˙C for about 45-50 minutes. It wobbled slightly, but wasn't runny.

Alas, by the time I took the picture, it had cracked. On the other hand, it tasted superb. Smooth, sweet, tangy, and - perhaps thanks to the Cointreau - more complex as the week progressed.
And as you can see, my photography skills leave a lot to be desired.

Citrus Season - I - Seville Orange Marmalade

Last year I promised myself that I wouldn't miss out on Seville Orange season in 2007. Cutting it perilously close, I traipsed down to the Vic Market on Saturday (in between brain-bending seminars on Lakatos) and bought four huge Seville Oranges from Stall 83.

On Sunday, I set about marmalade production, having also bought a teeth-aching 3kg bag of sugar, and some lemons. Nominally, I used the recipe in Nigella Lawson's How to Eat, but a pretty-much identical version can be found on the BBC Good Food website, here. The advantage of this method is that it absolves the maker from trying to locate muslin and reduces the faffing around.

So far, so good. Except, of course, the damn thing wouldn't reach setting point to my liking. This is probably because I didn't boil up the pips for long enough. I was, however, pleased to see Nigel Slater dismissing the importance of very-set jam, in that day's Observer. And he's quite right - for jam, at least.

As it is, if the marmalade is too set it you end up squashing your toast as you attempt to spread, and that's awful.

Now, the marmalade. As far as I'm concerned, the only marmalade worth having is Frank Cooper's Vintage Oxford. It is fiendishly dark, chunky, and bitter. My marmalade is not as dark - despite a good two tablespoons of treacle drizzled in, and this is probably from insufficient boiling - but it is certainly chunky and tart/sour/bitter. It leaves you salivating like after chewing on a lemon. Yum.

Just as well that it is delicious, because there are eight jars of the stuff.

Still to come: blood orange marmalade (my task for today), and a post about the blood orange and lemon tart I made on Sunday.