Vegan Tuna

I'm surprised at how little I've used jackfruit, particularly given how spectacular the results are. Probably the main reason I don't use it more is because it's essentially devoid of protein - so I would only have it if I've had plenty in other meals on that day.

In view of the mad hot weather, culinary boredom, and the acquisition of three more tins of jackfruit, I decided to try something different.

In cooler times I would go for the pulled "pork" recipes, and I didn't much feel like anything complicated by breading and frying (which ruled out the Fat Free Vegan's crab cakes). Other recipes used more ingredients than I could be bothered to assemble, leading to a completely lazy recipe as follows.

The results are more delicious than the (lack of) effort deserves. Also better than it looks - I won't spell out the analogies.

You will need - a bowl, and a processor/blender (I used my Vitamix).

Into the machine add:

• 1 tbs Dijon mustard
• 1 tbs Old Bay seasoning (I found a low sodium version at USA Foods)
• 1 tbs apple cider vinegar
• 1/2 tbs vegan "fish" sauce
• 1/2 tbs Bragg's
• 1 finely scissor'd up length of kelp
• 2 dry bay leaves
• a dash of smoked paprika
• 1 tbs nutritional yeast
• 1 can corn kernels

Process on low speed until just combined and still a bit chunky. 

Drain the jackfruit into a bowl, and pull the lumps into small bits/shreds. Add to the corn mixture and process on low speed for about 30-60 seconds. Again, just to combine and still with texture.

And that's it. 

Obviously this could be used to make tuna sandwiches, if that's your thing, but I also suspect it would be a good mimic for spicy tuna sushi rolls and so forth. 

Inner North Discoveries (a.k.a. I am so late to the party)

First off, I must express my embarrassment about past disdain for the inner North. Since moving here this year I am completely converted, and though I haven’t managed the requisite Bushranger-style facial hair and tattoos, I can muster skinny jeans and a hankering for a fixie. In the meantime, a 25+ year old Raleigh (from the days when there was still a manufacturing industry in England) is transporting me around town.

Now I want everyone I know to move here.

Fortunately almost everyone I know already does live here.

Now, for the food.

I’ve frequented Wholefoods for years, but it’s a heck of a lot easier now to peruse both the East Brunswick and Fitzroy/Collingwood shops. Yesterday I finally got my act together and remembered to bring a jar so I could get some peanut butter from the on-site machine.

The following quantity, minus weight of the empty jar, only cost $3.30 which is a bargain compared with the rubbish at supermarkets, and it’s organic, and it’s the best peanut butter I’ve ever had.

This tiny amount of forethought will surely be followed by other purchases from the bulk bins. (See also Friends of the Earth in Smith St.)

Next up - Coburg.

I have visited Coburg Farmers’ Market twice now. Once was a reconnaissance trip, in which I was REALLY naughty and bought nothing but shamelessly encouraged my friend L to spend away. (This was followed by lunch, alas unphotographed, at East Elevation - very delicious).

The second trip was a bit less miserly, though the pouring rain didn’t really encourage generous thoughts. I did leave with some Cocoa Rhapsody Dark Nut Cove chocolate and forced my mother to get the Salted Lime, which is probably the best chocolate I’ve had in years. And possibly ever.

Today I decided to get some vitamin D/sun damage and walked to Coburg to have a proper look.

Coburg Coles (not the one on Sydney Road - the one behind) produced lebanese cucumbers for $1 a kilo, and ripe R2E2 mangoes for $1 each (supplementing the 15 or so mangoes I got for $3 this week).

Al Alamy had nicely laid out nuts, dried fruits, seeds and grains. I’d have bought from there if I didn’t have the wonders of Basfoods and NSM so much closer to home.

I struck gold at KFL Supermarket. It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but inside it’s exceptionally cosmopolitan. Foods from Croatia to China, Turkey to Taiwan, Poland to the Philippines.

Lots for gleegans as well.

I got:

Bean sprouts ($1.15kg), enoki mushrooms ($1.99) and coriander (80 cents) - pictured with the giant aforementioned mango.

Organic seaweed (albeit from China, so ?how organic really); laver; “prawns” (?!); mushroom/seaweed powder (presumably an umami bomb).

Vegan “fish” sauce (yes, I know there are DIY recipes around but I was curious); soy bacon bits.

I had to try these as soon as I got home. The ingredients list is meaningless, stating only soy, but there is obviously more to it than that. They are however rather excellent. I had them with Sheese cream cheese, tomato, gherkin, Dijon mustard and Bragg’s on Black Ruby’s soy and linseed bread.

High nutrient GF bread

I don't think I will ever stop being dismayed by the problem of finding adequate gluten free breads.

Most in the supermarket fail by containing egg, and sometimes milk as well.

Many are also imported, which I think is utterly disgraceful.

They are also too often like eating a crumbly old sponge.

Adding insult to injury (given that Coeliacs are already at risk of certain nutritional deficiencies) GF breads are typically very low in protein.

If all that wasn't enough, GF breads are invariably eye-wateringly expensive - particularly if you want something half-decent.

For what it's worth, Coles' own label four-seed GF bread is probably the best supermarket option (and is vegan!) and comes close to tasting like real bread. Black Ruby and GF Precinct are reliably excellent, though of variable availability and with a more premium price.

I have also tried several GF bread mixes (bought only because they were super-reduced), none of which have been acceptable.

Now that I have a working oven, I deemed it time to make my own.

The wacky flour mix I put together was a collection of odds and ends, plus new acqusitions from Spelt Quinoa in Fitzroy, as follows:

• 1/4 cup cornflour
• 3/4 cup tapioca flour (this is unbelievably cheap if you buy from Asian grocers)
• 1/2 cup black bean flour (dominatingly beany if not mixed with other flours and I am still struggling to use this up)
• 1/4 cup Orgran gluten-free gluten (bought to attempt to make GF seitan - which didn't work!)
• 1/2 cup teff
• 1/2 cup sorghum

To which I added 1/4 cup dry millet, and 2 to 3 tablespoons each of sunflower seeds, pepitas, sesame seeds and 1 tablespoon of chia seeds.

This was well combined with 6g of dry yeast, and enough water to make a thick, sticky dough.

I left this on my bench for nearly two hours, then patted it together and put it in an oiled 450g loaf tin.

Baked at 210˚C for about 50 minutes. Take out of tin and allow to cool properly before slicing - though I confess to breaking the odd nubbly chunk off while it was still warm.

I haven't worked out the macronutrient profile for this, but with the bean flour and seeds, it should have a reasonable protein content, particularly compared with most commercial GF breads. Not to mention good fats and some minerals.

It also doesn't have the disgusting pappy sticky gummy mouthfeel that some GF breads have. 

Next challenge - GF sourdough.

Royal Mail Hotel - April 2012

This is certainly the latest review I’ve ever written, and a real test of my memory.

It is also slightly poignant to write given last week’s news that Dan Hunter is to leave the Royal Mail Hotel. I will watch with interest to see where he goes next, and how the restaurant evolves under new leadership.

To celebrate my mother’s 55^th birthday in 2012, we made good use of my skerrick of an Easter holiday by going to the Royal Mail Hotel in Dunkeld, via Ballarat on the way (to see Cecil Beaton’s photographs of the Royal Family) and Bendigo on the way back (to see the Grace Kelly exhibition).

Cognisant of the lengthy degustation ahead, and the fact that Dunkeld is not really round the corner, I booked us in for an overnight stay at the hotel itself.

Our elderly guinea-pig Chomsky came for the ride, and hid under hay on the back seat of the car.

We arrived late afternoon, with enough time to unpack and go for a walk along the trails that run behind the rear of the restaurant property, seeing plenty of wallabies, slightly threatening kangaroos, and two attention-starved horses who occupied much of my time. (So says she who never quite out-grew the 8-year-old’s obsession with all things equine.)

Though well into autumn, and with a slight nip in the air, the weather stayed fine and allowed us to appreciate the dramatic scenery.

It was well and truly dark outside when we sat down for dinner, and the restaurant had was – in contrast to daylight hours – inclusively cozy. Round tables were covered with crisp white cloth, and a sprig of native flora alluded to the semi-foraged menu that was to come.

We started with some amuse-bouches, including seasoned shiso leaf, an extraordinary tapioca starch cracker with and without roe (depending on omnivorous status), and another omni/vege divergence I cannot remember but which was either chicken or pork and a crackery thing for me.

Bread and butter were both excellent, as would be expected.

Not all photos came out, so some courses may be missing. I can't for the life of me remember what the above was, but it will have been fantastic. 

Most exquisite carrots – heirloom varieties, intensely and distinct in flavour. Only comparable to the tiny new carrots dug up from my stepmother’s organic kitchen garden.

Egg yolk, nestling amid vegetables and (possibly) chicken skin.

Dramatic plating of tiny root vegetables, garlic and the most madly divine wee onions.

Fish of some sort – presumably very good.

A dish made for me – astringent, cabbagey, beetroot. Sharp and mouthwatering.

More animal courses. I cannot comment, but very beautiful to look at. 

The highlight of the meal for me – yes, it looks like a log on a forest floor, aged and subsumed by verdant new growth. Actually the most insanely delicious aubergine/eggplant I have ever encountered.

Palate cleanser. As with all palate cleansers, I would have enjoyed a vat of this.

The first extraordinary dessert – fallen fruit. Apple, poached and caramelised, with the aid of calcium to maintain firmness so it was semi-dried, semi toffee-like, divinely appley, with crisp leaves of filo and fromage blanc. I unsuccessfully attempted to recreate this with calcium carbonate tablets at home (!)

Pistachio, chocolate. Superb ice cream (white chocolate from memory – might be wrong). 

Service was well-informed, prompt and welcoming. A lovely meal, worth the drive and definitely earned those hats.

Breakfast the next morning was also absolutely excellent, with local Grampians sheep’s milk yogurt (fantastic), delicious poached and spiced dried fruit compote, excellent bread, homemade jam etc etc. Exactly as a good hotel breakfast should be. 

It was well worth the drive (which is easy, albeit boring), and I hope the restaurant continues to provide excellent and unique creations.

I will also add that the vegetarian degustation was extremely well-thought-out and a pleasure for me to not feel like an irritation or an afterthought.

Change of Direction

The title isn't entirely appropriate as this blog didn't have much direction in the first place.

I have, however, lately had a big change of direction in my life. After more than a year's effort and quite possibly a gastric ulcer from stress, I have ceased full-time work and gone back to university as a graduate medical student.

What this means for the blog is that I will now be experimenting with the twin challenges of feeding myself in next to no time (supporting equipment, viz. a Bamix, has been acquired) and feeding hungry/bored/frustrated peers in CSL tutes.

So today's recipe is my first attempt at smoothie making, and my first use of my Bamix.

• 25g protein powder (I used Mirrabooka, which is whey and only has vanilla added. No sugar.)
• 50g frozen banana
• 100g (actually 70-something as that's what was left) frozen berries
• 1 tsp chia seeds
• ice
• water

Blend together, adding water to loosen as required. Unbelievably good, even if the weather switched to unseasonably wintry as I made it. 

A sinister purpose

Inevitably, an article on technology's infiltration of the dining room was going to raise the topic of bloggers and photographers, and, inevitably, that the article was published in the mainstream press suggested to me that it would be hostile to new media in general.

But was this really necessary?

“Going to a restaurant has always been a privilege and a pleasure,” says [David] Coomer, of Pata Negra. “It’d be great for people to realise that.

“Bloggers aren’t really there for a purpose, as they have a more sinister purpose. These days chefs are under a constant review process and, yes, it does shit me.”

 1. These days? Sorry? In a sense, we are always reviewing a restaurant, cafe, chef etc whenever we go out. We may tell friends that the food was ace, or the fish overcooked, or the waiter negligent, that we saw a rat trap near the kitchen door (and worse - says I who had an unspeakable experience in Camberwell many years ago). Blogging just formalises those reviews and makes them available to a wider audience.

2. Sinister purpose? I doubt that many bloggers go to restaurants simply to have some material for rude comments later. Most blog reviews seem to involve the author coughing up their own hard-earned money - unlike restaurant reviewers - and I for one am not going to throw dollars at a meal if I expect or want it to be rubbish.

That's why it's even more irksome if it's not quite up to scratch - and many failings I have seen crop up in reviews (professional and amateur) seem to hinge on simple mistakes, like under/over seasoning or under/over cooking flesh. Professional chefs shouldn't make these errors. That's why they are paid to cook.

3. Mr Coomer's comments do, however, sum up what is wrong with retail and hospitality in general in Australia - the customer is always wrong. Whatever happened to trying to please people, without whom they would be out of a job? If people aren't happy with a meal, rather than childishly throwing insults and whingeing, why not find out whether there is some good reason for the complaint, and use it to improve in the future?

The Most Awful Birthday Cake Ever

Really, I should just write a picture book with this title and at least make some cash out of the experience.

So despite having no cake decorating skills, I promised to make a Very Hungry Caterpillar cake for my twin cousins' fourth birthday.

And naturally, a few more spanners were thrown into the works:

• One twin has multiple food allergies (nuts, dairy*, etc), which I struggle to keep track of. The poor boy missed out on his official birthday cake because the caterers included forbidden walnuts.
• Both twins are largely unexposed to artificial colourings and other potential stimulants, and I am not going to be responsible for causing such exposure.
• The cake had to be kosher and vegetarian, so gelatine was out of the question and I wasn't in the mood to experiment with agar agar or carageenan.
• The mother is a health nut (and I have some sympathy for this) so anything using half a kilo of sugar wasn't going to go down very well.

I knew I could make red colouring pretty easily with the powdered freeze-dried raspberries, procured from The Essential Ingredient some time ago. If I needed it, purple/blue could easily be done with mashed up blueberries. But green was a bit of a problem.

I remembered seeing amazing lurid green things on Food Safari which involved pandan. However, all the pandan colourings I found in Asian grocers seemed to rely on artificial colours like 102 (tartrazine – which certainly sets me off into a hyperactive state of lunacy). Eventually I found fresh pandan leaf at the Therry Street Minh Phat (along with many other fascinating things).

Googling had assured me that pounding the pandan with a pestle and mortar and/or whizzing it in a food processor would mash the cell walls sufficiently to release some vivid green juice. Both methods failed for me, and I found that the pandan leaves demonstrated the sort of structural resilience worthy of Kevlar.

I managed to extract a wee dribble of green.

Aware that I couldn't waste a drop, I mixed this with some cornflour, milk, and a lot of sugar – the first two ingredients to try to make the icing a little less transparent. I then boiled this in a saucepan to thicken up the mixture and try to get it to a more controllable consistency.

Still rather pale… Argh.

The red was easy. I just mixed the powdered raspberries with sugar and water until I had a dark ruby paste. Thank god something worked.

For the cake itself, I made a simple sponge, beating organic butter with raw, organic vanilla-infused sugar until pale and fluffy. I then added three large eggs, more vanilla, and folded in wholemeal organic spelt flour (well mixed with baking powder).

The mixture went into a well-greased and floured balmoral tin and baked at 180 degrees for about 45 minutes.

The next problem was that the cake was nicely browned on the outside, and the lack of marzipan (nuts!) or very opaque fondant-type icing meant that the cake colour would show through. One solution was to cut off some of the crust, revealing the rather eggy-yellow crumb.
So you'd think I would have done that, right?

Wrong.

After waiting for it to cool, I glazed the cake with some homemade apricot jam. I then started to apply the green and red icing. It became apparent that the colours were not remotely intense nor opaque enough to make a significant difference to the cake's overall appearance.

Aware that time was running out, and I had no other options, I painted the cake with green and red icing, moulded some excess green icing into button-like eyes and split a segment of spent vanilla pod into thin strips to act as antennae. A trick a shamelessly stole from Heston Blumenthal, who did this for his BFG's cherry stalk.

The cake was, however, graciously received by the twins, who were delighted to have something that was iced (even ineptly) and that they were permitted to eat.

I promise myself that I will refine my natural food colouring technique (or indeed cultivate one) before the twins’ fifth birthday (with this in mind). Because by the standards of kids’ birthday cakes, this really wasn’t up to scratch.

Any tips out there in ye blogosphere for getting decent, naturally-coloured icing? Other than buying really expensive stuff from overseas…?

*My other flub was to use butter in the cake, completely unaware at the time that dairy was a no-no. However, no effects (ill or otherwise) were apparently noted. I wouldn't recommend this laxity for people with serious food allergies.